Yes. I always blamed and found fault with other people. I thought I would feel better if others changed and listened to me. Coming out of my own delusion was the hardest thing and I am also learning that you can learn things only through direct experiences.
I learned that wounds are accumulated when I just stay in comfort.
I learned that I regain composure when I do therapeutic tasks.
I learned that I should build passion and dream of my future.
My thought in the conscious can be delusional.
Thought changes and my thought at any given moment can be an illusion. The environment seems to stay the same, but I still have a difficult time to make decisions. I know I have not been able to live as I want since I didn't make my own decisions. I guess I have fear of doing new things, but I heard women tend to be indecisive and it is nothing to worry too much.
It turns out that I have common personality for a woman but I always envied people who were different from me. I feel fine, but now, people seem to see that I have changed. I don't really care about others' eyes any more. I rather focus on myself giving attention to myself and reflecting on my thoughts and behaviors.
I guess I have talked too much. I feel kind of lazy to do the tasks, but I try to think only about my treatment and happiness.
Thank you.
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You will train yourself to control your emotions and build treatment and happiness ability. Self-check will help you maintain the will power and continue with efforts. Many members go through what you are going through now. You envied other people before you began treatment program, but now you feel composed and stable, which indicates that you are progressing well.
When you build happiness ability, happy people will try to stay close to you and unhappy people will naturally leave you. Please, remember where you started and keep making efforts consciously thinking about the happiness you will soon achieve.